"Heaven Needed a Body Guard"

• I remember the first time i met you... 5th grade, Mrs. Cammons Class. You were the new kid and you sat right beside me. You were COVERED in BUG BITES!

• You lived in my neighborhood. We would jump on the trampoline with other neighborhood kids until it was dark and we had to run home before we got in trouble.

• I sat with you on the bus when we went on field trips.

• i couldnt stand your little sister.

• you always helped me... i remember i accidentially left my history book at school and i called you.... we met half way on our bikes and you left my borrow yours.

• we drifted a little through middle school.

• but our lives brought us back together in high school.

• i remember being 16 years old, all hanging out at a friends house and you told me Tyler was about to ask me out and if i didnt say yes you were gonna throw me in the pool. He asked me out, i said yes, and you STILL threw me in the pool.

• i dated tyler for a year and a half... me and you got to be a lot closer. tyler was best friends with your sister and i still couldnt stand her.

• our jr. year i sat in your truck before school every morning and we did homework together.

• you and i graduated high school together... 2006!!!

• tyler and i broke up. your sister was there for me.... her and i became inseparable, best friends, like sisters.

• i became pretty much another member of the family.

• you were like a brother to me.

• always worried about who i was dating and if they were treating me right.

• we both were unhappy with the same community college we were attending....

• so you talked me into attending the school you were going to, 45 mins away.

• i enrolled and you were the only person i knew. it made me so happy to pass you in the hallway!

• i remember when you worked at the grocery store... then you started working in the meat dept.... i'd always drive by and see your truck there and say "JORDANS WORKING"

• you helped me move into my apartment.... and you helped me move out of my apartment.

• you'd drive over to my house at dark to help me fix something on my computer.

• you got so mad that time we all went to the toby keith concert and were stuck in traffic forever!

• before me and your sister would get ready to go someone, we'd spend hours getting ready.... i'd always come and ask you "how do i look?"

• you helped me celebrate my 21st birthday but had to leave because your new girlfriend didnt want you there.

• bonfires, movie nights, sleep overs, dinner dates.... the memories are endless...

* * *

JLD took his life at 3am on Sunday Feburary 21, 2010

He was 21 years old... and no one was ready for him to go.

He wasnt "that type" of person to do such a thing.

Too much alcohol and one last BAD fight with a BAD girlfriend!

You loved her too much and she wasnt worth it.

She could have stopped you... but instead she watched you do it.

I cant just sit back and ask why. God wanted you now so he took you. You're in such a better place now!

* * *

Its been one week. one long really bad nightmare that i'm so ready to wake up fromt. its hard to believe this is all real. the day it happened i went to his house. after the clean up crew left... his sister and some other friends went inside. it smelt like a hospital, i could still see the blood stains on the kitchen walls that were already painted red. i saw the bullet holes. i saw the gun powder on the ceiling. i walked in his bedroom and saw a picture of us on his dresser. the one where i came up behind him and grabbed his arm right when the picture was being taken... i had the biggest smile on my face and he was lookin down at me. he always said i was still family even though i didnt get the tall genes. i broke down when i saw that picture. i didnt break down too much around others this week. i tried to be strong for his mom, his sister and his mimi. it was when i was home alone laying in bed when it all became real and i'd break down. crying harder than i've cried in a long time. every morning this week i wake up feeling like i've been beat with a bat all night. i stayed with my boyfriend one night so i wouldnt be alone... i was fine until he fell asleep then it was real and i broke down, he woke up and comforted me then rubbed my head until i fell back sleep. i helped put together picture collages and the slide show for the visitation wednesday night. my mind just cant fully grasp it... i feel like i'm still gonna see him. the second the slideshow started i began to tear up and once toby keith "cryin for me" began playing i was a WRECK... i slept on the floor in the living room of his house that night with some of our other friends... i didnt sleep well. 11am thursday morning was the funeral. i sat on the third row in the church. i wore houndstooth, crimson and black just for him. i know he smiled down from heaven.

i got a rose from the arrangment on his coffin. it wasnt until then that i realized hes the second person who was close to me that died. the first was my grandpa. ive only been to 3 funerals in my life including jordans. this was the first time i've ever been to a grave side / coffin funeral. grandpa was cremated & my great-great aunt was too. my heart still aches. its still so unreal. i still feel like its a really bad dream. i know hes with Jesus now and hes happy and he has no more pain.

CLICK HERE : Toby Keith - Cryin For Me