Part 1: The Break Up

As promised :) esp. for Ann!

Rusty & I dated for 2 1/2 years. He was my prince charming and after all that time we were still madly in love and so happy to be together. BUT to sum it up, i began feeling like he was taking me for granted, i felt like he'd rather spend time with friends than make time for "us" time ALONE. He quit a decent job because he wasnt happy working there... bad idea in this economy. His truck broke and he had no motivation to fix it, i drove everywhere. Obviously i wasnt with him for his money, for nice things or for his truck. I was with him because i loved him and up until a monthish before we broke up, he treated me like a princess and i was happy. He began making decisions i didnt agree with and emotionally hurting me (not purposely). The arguments were BAD... they came often, were stupid, were loud and were intense. I just didnt understand. I'd cry and he would just sit and watch me instead of comforting me. Never EVER did he EVER lay a hand on me, he wasnt a violent person. I could sit here and give examples all day long, but it would be pointless.

My Parents didnt like him, they never really knew him though because they didnt take the time to know him. They JUDGED him. I'd come to a point where i was tired of hearing the negative things others (who really didnt even know him) had to say. I felt numb, i wasnt feeling "happiness". I didnt feel "loved" by him or special to him anymore. I was just Laura, his girlfriend who would always be there. I'd tried to talk to him several times... usually we could communicate great together and solve problems.... i felt like everything i said went in one ear and through the other. I threatened MANY times that if things didnt get better that i was leaving. I would see that he was trying... but after a few weeks he would go right back to the way he was acting. I had to stick to my word so, after a lot of prayer, at beginning of Sept 2009 i ended it. Even though i was already done... i couldnt feel anything anyways.

Most importantly, GOD wasnt the foundation of our relationship. As much as i tried for Him to be, I couldnt do it on my own.

I broke up with him through an email. (I know, I know!) I just couldnt do it through the phone or in person. I honestly didnt WANT to leave him... i just wanted to wait for things to get better. I KNEW the best thing for us was to go our seperate ways.

Heres the email, It took a LOT of TEARS, but this is what i wrote:

Hey Baby, thanks so much for coming with me today. i'm so glad you're always there for me and i dont know what i'd do without you. I know thats not the place you really wanted to be but i'm so glad you were with me and i'm sorry i was ill!!!
I want you to know that I love you more than anything. But we've had the same discussion [sometimes arguement] many times and I've told you, myself and everyone else that i wasnt gonna stay with you if you didnt get a good job and/or go to school and fix your truck. I want us to have a great future and i cant say i'm gonna do something then let it slide over and over again. Construction/tileing etc, arent dependable jobs and you know it. They dont give you retirement and all. This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my entire life.... mostly because this is not what i want but what i know i need. yes, i'm crying as i type this. I've let way too many things slide with you that I would never ever accept before... I dont wanna have to worry about my husband having money to support our family, i dont wanna marry someone who cant keep promises. I'm doing this to better both of us and our future. I dont wanna throw away 2 1/2 years but I dont wanna wake up a year from now and everything be like it is now. I really hope you understand. I've tried many times to talk myself out of this. You know i wanna be with you and that i love you. But i've gotta start sticking to my word. I'm thinking about the Future... because time truly flies. I'm so so sorry for the pain i'm causing you but believe me -- this is killing me. but i know you'll understand. I'm sorry but we cant be together until you get your life on a more positive path. Would you rather us be in debt living in a trailor or financially stable in a nice house with lots of land? because i'm looking forward to in about 5 years being in a nice house with lots of land. You'll always be my backwoods boy, my wusty and i'll love you forever and always.
Love, Yours Forever & Always, Your Laura Sue
Ps I need to get my life straight to. I wanna be a better person and a better christian.

Now, dont think i'm some horrible person who breaks up with someone through an email. I went to his house after he read the email. We sat in the car for over an hour talking. He begged and said everything under the sun to try to change my mind but i'd already made my decision.

Yes, There is a part 2.